That Can’t Be - Part III

That Can’t Be

Part III

Written by Cassia Sherrill

Josh and Heather were able to get Steven out of the bed and ready for the funeral in time. Most of the well-wishers had already arrived at the church the funeral was being held at by the time the trio got there. Steven looked around at the sea of black, and he thought back to a time when he and Swayze were still dating.

Steven’s grandfather had passed away a few months into the two of them dating, and even though Swayze didn’t know his grandfather too well, she didn’t hesitate to go with Steven to offer support. It was a few days after the funeral that she revealed to him how much she really didn’t like funerals. She got the idea of them because it was paying respect to this person’s life, but she always thought that it should be more of a celebration of the life. She didn’t like how solemn everyone was, and she thought that people should remember the deceased with some joy and happiness. She was extremely optimistic like that, and she hated seeing people sad. To Steven, he figured that was probably more of the reason why she hated funerals so much. He understood where she was coming from though and figured people should be celebrated for their life in a more joyful manner. But he also understood the grieving and the solemn respect as well. He was much more a creature of habit and just accepted things as they were, but Swayze had always been the one to question the norm.

He blinked and the vivid memory faded. All he saw was solemn faces dressed in black. Not an ounce of joy or celebration seemed to fill the room he was now standing in, and he knew how much she would’ve hated it. Swayze would’ve wanted a personal touch to this celebration of her life, and he almost felt like he failed her in a way because he didn’t help that come about.

None of this made any sense to him still. His head was reeling at the fact that someone as joy-filled and optimistic as Swayze would do such a thing. He almost didn’t believe it, and his head was constantly swarming with possibilities of how this could have been ruled a mistake.

He sighed deeply and shook these thoughts out of his head. He needed to focus on the funeral and honoring Swayze as best he could instead of letting his mind race a thousand miles per hour. This is where the numbing effect of his sweet alcohol would come in handy right about now. It would release his mind of all these worries for a little while at least.

He took a seat near the front of the church with Heather and Josh. Swayze’s mom had asked Heather and Steven to speak a few words during the service, and he felt awkward saying yes at first. Not because he didn’t know what to say but because he wasn’t sure how he should introduce himself. A lot of her friends and acquaintances hadn’t been happy with him ever since he broke up with her because again, no one really understood their friendship. Heather finally convinced him that he should since he knew her better than most, and he knew deep down that she would have wanted him too. He had tossed and turned all night trying to think up some really profound things to say about her but not much came. He scribbled a few things down on the way over to the funeral, which he couldn’t help but think was a bit insensitive that he hadn’t written anything until the drive over. It clearly wasn’t going to be much, but it was something. And he knew the words would make her smile so that’s what really mattered to him.

The funeral began, and in what felt like a matter of seconds, it was his turn to speak. Heather had introduced, and thankfully, she introduced him as a “great friend of Swayze.” He stood up there, steadied his breath, and looked out at the sea of black. There were a lot of sorrowful faces, but he could spot a few bitter looks from the sea as well. His eyes wandered to the back of the church where he saw a person that looked so familiar, but he wasn’t sure how. It was a woman with a tan complexion and dark hair, and she was crying softly. He knew he had seen her somewhere before. He almost got so caught up in trying to figure out who she was that he almost didn’t give his speech. Focus, Steven….

He shook his thoughts off and began to give his small speech. “Swayze…” he breathed in deep, “Well, she was a force to be reckoned with for sure. I have never in my life been so privileged and blessed by a friendship.” He looked down at the closed casket where she now lay. “She was full of joy and life, and I don’t mean this lightly when I say that she truly lit up every room she walked into. She could look at someone and know just how to help them, and in the most kind and genuine way, she would help them tirelessly. I was privileged to be one of those people that she helped so dearly. She helped me at my lowest, and uh…” his voice began to crack, “I just hope she knew how deeply loved and appreciated she was. She was a walking beam of sunshine, and I cannot help but worry that my world will be a bit less bright without her…”

It was nothing profound or even special, but by the end of it, he was definitely crying. He had written more but knew he couldn’t manage to get any more words out right now.

His eyes focused once more on the mysterious girl in the back of the church before returning to his seat, and as he sat through the remainder of the service, he convinced himself that after the funeral he needed to figure out who she was. He couldn’t figure out why exactly, but he had a sickening feeling about it all.