That Can’t Be - Part I

That Can’t Be

Part I

Written by Cassia Sherrill

Steven was staring down at his hands. They wouldn’t stop shaking. He sat in the middle of McNeely Hospital’s emergency waiting room, where he had been for the past five hours. His hands haven't stopped shaking since he received the phone call from the police.

In an urge of paranoia, he knew he had to get his hands to stop shaking. Maybe...I need some food or something. He got up and went to the vending machine. He stared at all the choices blankly. He knew he didn’t have the appetite to eat, but something needed to take his mind off of what was going on. Something needed to calm his shaking hands. He placed a few quarters into the machine and selected some chips. As he was bending down to grab them, he felt his phone vibrating. He pulled the phone from his pocket, “Hello?”

“Hey, man, it’s Josh. You are at McNeely’s ER, right?”

“Uh...yeah.”

“Okay, we are almost there. We didn’t think you should be alone during this.”

Steven looked down at his shaking hands and sighed a breath of relief. “Thank you,” was all he managed to say to his friends before he hung up the phone.

He took his chips and sat back down. He started to open the bag of chips when the doctor came out from the back, and he had a gut feeling it was to talk to him. The doctor briefly chatted with the receptionist, and he pointed the doctor in Steven’s direction. His gut felt like it took a punch with every step the doctor took closer to him.

“Sir, are you a family member of Swayze Robinson?”

“I...I’m her boyfriend,” he mumbled. “Well technically, ex-boyfriend but…”

“Sir, is her family here as well?”

“No, they live in Colorado.”

“So you are the only one here for Swayze right now?” Steven nodded. “Okay, well I will pass along the information to you, but I would also appreciate it if you would provide the front desk with information for her parents, okay?”

“I can do that. Doctor, what happened? Is she going to be alright?”

The doctor solemnly looked at Steven and said, “Unfortunately, Swayze passed. We had her in surgery, but she had already lost a lot of blood. There was not much we could do.”

Steven’s head started spinning. He didn’t understand how someone as healthy as Swayze could be gone just like that. “Sir, I saw her just a few days ago, and she was fine. What happened?”

“I unfortunatley cannot go into great detail with you since you are not a family member, but the paramedics who found her expect that it was suicide.”

Steven looked at the doctor with shock, but he also felt lightheaded. “I think I need to sit down…”

The doctor nodded and motioned for Steven to sit back into the waiting area’s seat he had been previously.

“Swayze is one of the happiest people that has ever walked this planet. That can’t be. I don’t understand?”

“Sir, what’s your name?”

“Steven…”

“Steven, unfortunately, sometimes it is the happiest people that are the most at risk because nobody expects or sees their dark places. We have grief counselors here and chaplains, if you need to speak with one of them?”

“No,” he sighed. “I will be fine.” He lied. He looked down at his still shaking hands, and he knew he would not be fine for a long time.

“Okay, well, if you wouldn’t mind providing the contact information for her family to the front desk, we would appreciate it so we can contact her family.”

“I can contact her family.”

“Okay, well the front desk can collect all yours and her family’s information to make arrangements. But take your time. They are there whenever you are ready. I am sorry for your loss, Steven.” The doctor placed a caring hand on his shoulder before he went back into the back.

Steven just sat there staring at the floor for a few minutes until he heard his friend Josh and his wife Heather come up beside him.

“Steven, are you okay? You look so pale,” Heather said as her and Josh sat beside him.

Steven looked up at Heather with teary eyes, and she immediately started tearing herself. Heather was one of Swayze’s best friends, and the four of them had been inseparable since college.

“Steven...is she gone?”

He stared at her for a few moments before he hung his head and gave a gentle nod. Heather covered her mouth as she started sobbing over the news. Josh came alongside his wife and wrapped her in a hug. He was clearly struggling with the shocking news as well, but he asked the questions anyway. “Steven, what happened? Swayze wasn’t sick or anything, was she?”

Steven’s tears were hitting the floor of the hospital, and he wasn’t about to stop them. He shook his head. “Nah, man. She wasn’t sick.” The two friends waited for a few moments while he managed to speak through his tears. “Suicide. They think its suicide.”

Heather looked up from her place on Josh’s shoulder. “What? They think Swayze committed suicide? That can’t be.” She looked back at her husband, “Right, Josh? That can’t be. Swayze wouldn’t do that?”

Josh was trying to hold back his tears as well. “I don’t know, sweetie. I didn’t think so, but I just don’t know…”

She looked back at Steven as the tears still poured down her face. “Oh, Steven…” she said as she pulled Steven into a hug. The three friends sat there hugging, crying, and trying to process their grief in the middle of the ER’s waiting room.